I’ve really let it slip this time, haven’t I? The last update to the site was on the 14th of September, and it wasn’t even a particularly good update. It certainly wasn’t within the usual spirit of the site – it was just a load of photos taken at some random spot in the woods likely occupied by homeless people or insane, hoarding ramblers.

Anyway, look – I could knock that article all day. I wasn’t proud of it at the time, really, but I needed to put something up on my (precious?) website, and that just had to do. Life was busy at the time, and continued to be busy for … well, until now.

Fortunately, my schedule seems to have freed itself up again, through a combination of family returning to work and personal tragedy, which means that, in my free time, I have little else to do other than work on this website and play Maple Story 2. Admittedly, my life has been like this for a little while, but it’s always a struggle to regain motivation on what has essentially become a dead project.

Sorry, I said that Atomic Kote wasn’t dead. Let me rephrase that.

Admittedly, my life has been like this for a little while, but it’s always a struggle to regain motivation on what has essentially become a project in stasis.

There. In stasis. That’s much better. Yes, similar to an astronaut going on a long voyage, this website was cryogenically frozen until a cure could be found for my depression and laziness. While a cure has yet to be found for either of these ailments, I’ve decided to pull Atomic Kote from it’s short stay within it’s tomb and get everything back on track.

How am I going to do this, you ask? Well, luckily for you, I’ve gone and written myself up an action plan. Check it out, my scrumptious little scrumpties.

More gaming articles

It goes without saying, and even if it didn’t, I said it in the first paragraph, so just refer back to that if you’re desperate for validation for the following statement. There has been a serious lack of anything to do with gaming on this website. To further illustrate this, I’ve drawn a really pointless line graph. Why? Because images bring in page views, baby.

linegraph

 

As you can see from the totally accurate line graph up above, (and yes, that’s exactly how line graphs work) there was a fairly steady ratio of gaming to bullshit, with the majority of articles put up around the launch of the website falling comfortably into both categories, thereby giving us ‘gaming shit’ or ‘bullgaming’, depending on your preference. Unfortunately, thanks to articles like The Great Spam-A-Ram Roundup, we’ve fallen far, far too deep into bullshit, to the point where you could most definitely describe us as being in the ‘utter horseshit’ zone.

I don’t want this for the website. I don’t want this for you, dear reader. I want to give you an edible plate of shit, rather than the sloppy, diarrhoeic sludge that you’ve been forced to choke down as of late.

This means that there’s going to be more gaming content on the whole, in the form of features, analysis, retrospectives, and general commentary. There is one aspect of games coverage that won’t be returning, though – and that’s reviews. Official reviews, at the very least. I’m going to stray away from writing reviews entirely, and instead, I’m going to try to offer more opinion, or more detailed analysis of specific gameplay features. For example, I’d be more likely to write an article about how your horse in Red Dead Redemption 2 is a total dicksnap rather than a full fledged review for the product itself.

rdrhorses
They’ll probably be cunts

Why? There’s a lot of reasons – the main one being that there’s a glut of opinion out there on most of the games that I play or plan to play, anyway. Let’s be honest – you’re not really going to give a toss about my Mario Tennis Aces review, and even if you did, it’s going to come a week or more after everyone else’s review simply because I’m (rightfully) not privy to any review codes. This means that I have to buy them on launch, play them, finish them, and then shove the review up afterward, long after the point where a review is actually relevant anyway. Pointless. Waste of my time, mate.

So, that’s it, they’re dead, gone, good. For the none of you that were fans of the reviews, though, don’t worry – they are returning, soft of. I already said that I’m not going to do ‘official’ reviews anymore. That doesn’t mean that I won’t be offering my opinion on games, it just means that we’re going down the route of focus and dilution. That doesn’t make much sense, does it? Well, calm down, it will after I’ve explained it. We’re going to focus on specifics and dilute down to summaries.

Let’s use Red Dead Redemption 2 as an example. As I said, I’m likely to write an article – perhaps several – about Red Dead Redemption 2, since I’ll be buying it, playing it, and also writing for the website. While I’m not going to be doing an official review, if I am to write an article about it, it will focus on one specific part of the experience. As I said before – I might do an article which compares the horse in Red Dead Redemption 2 to other horses in gaming. I might even do an article about, say, western-themed games throughout history. I might do an article on any number of things about the game, but I won’t be offering a full-fledged 2000 word opinion about it, because literally everyone else will and you can just go and read their words on it rather than mine.

IDShot_540x540
Dilute it like this wank

So, that’s the focus, then. What about the dilution? Well, that comes in the form of a brand new, once a month feature, which will be titled something like ‘what I’ve been playing’. I’ll probably roll this into the existing editorials, but then again, I might not. I haven’t really decided yet. All you need to know is that it’s coming, and that it’s pretty much what it says on the tin. It’s about what I’ve been playing that particular month. Within that space, there’ll be the five or so games that I’ve been playing over the month, as well as a paragraph or two on each of them so that you know what I think.

Ultimately, what this means, is that if you’re a fan of the kind of games that I play, or you have, somehow, decided that me and you have similar taste, you can find some recommendations on what you should play there. The removal of proper, official reviews means that I can set my focus on creating more original, entertaining content that should hopefully be on brand.

So, expect more lists, more ‘let’s take a look at’, and more complete history features, at a far more frequent pace than before.

Better nonsense

While I’m most definitely bringing gaming back, I’d be a liar if I said I wanted all of the recent nonsense to go away completely. For one thing, I enjoy Booker, even if nobody else probably does. There’s definitely going to be more of that – infact, depending on when I get this editorial out, there might end up being a Booker before there’s any actual gaming updates. For you see, Booker is getting his very own –

halloweenspesh

Comic Sans is still proper funny, isn’t it? It’s not boring or overplayed at all. That’s right, say it with me and laugh along, Booker is getting his very own –

halloweenspesh

Anyway, that’s coming out on Halloween night.

While we’re on the subject of website nonsense that I like, I thought that the capsule toy feature was decent enough, if brisk, and that the spam roundup were along the right lines. The major misstep in nonsense is the … well, alright, the camp feature is alright, too.

I guess the only real issue with nonsense is that there was a bit too much of it, especially compared to the gaming related updates. But I’ve already talked about all of that, haven’t I? I guess this section is just about done.

New layout/theme/whatever

While this isn’t in effect yet, I did call this an action plan, so I’m going to write about it preemptively.

I’m going to change the theme on the website at some point this month. While I like this one well enough, it tends to do weird stuff with images. For example, it does captions all weird. If you’re viewing the website before the change, you’ll be able to see that – it sort of leans the caption to the left, rather than centering it underneath the image.

I could make my own, but I’ve been sticking to templates so far, because, honestly, there is absolutely nothing fun about putting a website layout together. I doubt it’s even doable for me these days since I haven’t looked at anything that resembles HTTP in over a decade. I should get on it at some point, that is, making my own, but it’s one of those things that you need to be arsed to do, you know?

Until then, I’ll aimlessly be scroll down the list of built-in themes until I find one that I want. At least I can choose from literally any of the WordPress themes. There’s a fair few of them, and while most are, honestly, unspeakably ugly, I’ll hopefully find one that looks as nice as this without doing weird shit to my captions.

Or it could be something as simple as a box I need to tick somewhere in the theme settings themselves. That sounds like it might be a thing. Whatever it is, it needs fixing. I like image captions, and I can’t really say I want them to look crap.

Also bundled into this category is a change in font. I like the current font well enough, but I also think it’s a bit boring. At least it’s readable, though, which is more than what I can say about the last font I used.

Adverts are back

I had these on when the website first launched in May, and turned them off sometime in June. They’re back. There’s two at the bottom of each article. You’re more than welcome to AdBlock them. As a matter of fact, I’m not even going to give you the ol’ spiel about how you’re supporting the website and blahblah and all that if you turn AdBlock off. Don’t bother. If you don’t want to see them, block them. That’s all there is to it.

logo_adblock
Seriously mate, it’s fine

I’ll try to set up a revenue alternative in the distant future, like a Patreon or something, maybe, or one of those things where you can donate a cup of coffee to me or whatever if you want to. But you know. All of that requires a regular readership, which I lack.

So, that’s about it for the editorial, if you can call it that. More of a status report. More gaming features, roughly the same amount of nonsense, and more frequent content on the whole, with a fresh lick of paint and nasty adverts to top it all off.

See you again soon. Very soon.

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